As long as I’m able to lead with my heart I will do so.
The hardest part of managing my depression and anxiety is playing the tug of war game that is mental illness. Sometimes it takes away my ability to lead with my heart. I’ve said some awful things to those I love. I’ve done plenty of other things while experiencing the wrath of depression and anxiety that I am not proud of. But I will continue being me because that’s the best I can do.
No, I am not living with a struggle everyday. Was I? Yes. It took me almost 10 years to find something that worked for me. Mental illness is so complex. No two people will feel the same despair. Every single diagnosis and every single story is different. For me, I am at my best. I didn't get to where I am now however, without going through the worst.
Is my depression gone? Absolutely not. I hate to sound like a Debbie-Downer, but for me to believe that I'll never go through a difficult time again is naive. For me to believe that I'll never experience debilitating anxiety again is just plain silly. This is not negative-thinking people. This is me accepting and learning how to manage my mental health appropriately.
I'm on one med. I sleep well. I exercise regularly. I'm not working like I was, but I'm doing what I feel passionate about. I think I've found the job I was meant to have. Yes, I still think teaching is a part of me, but now it's time for me to teach in a different way.
I’ve always wanted to make a difference and help those in need. I've been blogging and sharing my story now since September of 2018. That's approximately 38 weeks. This is just one way that I am educating others. There's more.
In lieu of the past year, Sarah and I have made some big decisions. One of those has been the incorporation of our nonprofit, Project Blue Co. We just filed with the state of North Carolina and are happy to be official. Our goal is to change the way people think about mental health, specifically mental illness. We want to encourage people to share their stories; those who suffer from having a mental illness as well as the ones who surround them and witness their struggles. We believe healthcare professionals and emergency medical responders need better training when it comes to mental health crises. We want to help develop these programs. All of this will help society respond positively to mental health in general. Hopefully it will be placed in the forefront.
We will be doing this right from the comfort of our new home, The Sol Bus! We've also decided to change the way we live; sell things that don't matter, downsize our lives, sell our home, and travel around North America. We want to connect with people. We want to continue sharing our story and hear new ones.
This is the beauty of our struggle. We believe we are exactly where we are meant to be because we made it possible. We took a real shitty situation and made it better. It made us think about what we wanted in life and how we could make a difference. We believe we'll be okay, but we know others are not. We need each other. People need people.
I hope you found my story useful. I wish you joy, peace, and love for the rest of time. May you find strength to persevere. May you lead with your heart.
Thank you for listening to my story.
In Kindness & Love,
I just want all people to learn and grow together.